gasoline rainbows

yo la tengo- autumn sweater

makes me cry

last night someone asked me if I wanted some rollies. I didn't know what it meant. I thought it meant hand-rolled cigarettes.


I am finishing up my photography book. I still need some people to send me letters. Please inquire if you are interested in SEX.

my photography book is becoming a lot more difficult than anticipated. I experienced the ultimate 20 minutes of awkwardness today from a 28 year old virgin off the internet.

2008 wasn't half bad.
I learned a lot about myself, my independence, the things I want in the end.

Christmas break was exactly what I needed. Didn't rage it at all, woke up early everyday, we even went to the beach on Christmas and I got to do some kayaking. I love being in the sun and wearing less clothing. Dressing in layers takes effort.

Patti Smith in NYC was a great birthday present.
The day after that, my parents put my dog to sleep. He was older than my little sister and it was time. Very happy I got to see him one last time.

Joel visited me in NY as well. It was nice. I do miss our life together but one day things will work themselves out if it is meant to be.

I have recently been feeling odd. I had my birthday in Brooklyn and it was okay. It made me think and of course over analyze my life. I want to stop being a kid. I do love going out and being social with the people I love, but I have always loved puppies and babies and for some unknown reason, I want both. I had been anti-baby up until Christmas break and something switched on me and I don't know why or how...but it did. I want a real home, not an apartment with roommates. I want a comfortable house that is always at a comfortable temperature. I want to be able to do laundry whenever I spill something and not have to lug it a few blocks away in the snow.

I am almost done with school so 2009 is going to GREAT! This time next year I can't even imagine what my life will be like or where I will live but I know it is going to be way better.

I miss my family and once again, my Dad asked me if I wanted to move back to Florida. It is too easy so I need to fight that and continue my struggle. I will be better and stronger in the end.

7°F
Feels Like
-12°F

the worst.

This semester is finally almost over.
I have my first photography exhibit Dec. 3rd in the Coburn Gallery here. I am very excited but I have a lot of work to do. I also got the front and back cover of Vantage Point Magazine. When my teacher told me she would give extra credit for submissions I thought what the hell and turns out I got chosen. My hard work and stupid stupid schedule is finally paying off.
Seattle in 2 hours...so pumped. My first time to the west coast. I hope the store doesn't fall apart without me.

NYC for new years/bday again. AA is hooking up that flight.

sigur ros was great, especially for free + backstage.
sister had baby lennox today. he looks very white in the pictures and not 1/2 black. so strange!

things have been good...great!

I am much happier than I anticipated.
I got promoted to the store manager, but now I have no assistant. This means even more responsibility that I am not excited to have.
This whole working full-time and going to school full-time thing has proven to be even more of a challenge this time around, but I am getting into a good groove.
All of my classes are exciting. I get to take photo's, make pottery, learn about Bauhaus and become a master at color corrections. I get to put my photography up in the gallery too.

This is boring. I am sad that I haven't been riding my bike to school but the hill is terrible and riding down is even worse without brakes. Those flew off into traffic on the 4th of July, the same night my apartment got broken into, but who really needs them anyways.

Sept. 20th- Sigur Ros in Montreal
Sept. 22nd- Lindsey delivers baby Lennox and I will have TWO nephews.
Sept. 27th- Becky's wedding in NYC
Sept. 28th- Father turns 51 (can't forget)

I didn't want today to come just yet but it did and the worst is over. It's 9:01 am.

I am sitting in the most beautiful apartment and it is empty. Just a few of my miscellaneous items, my plant, years worth of dust bunnies.

Joel found a better job and I have school to finish so today begins his long drive while I stay in Burlington. It's a new chapter and while we both know it's the best thing right now, it is hard to let go. My face looks pretty disgusting and swollen, and cyring on each other's shoulders on the street corner didn't help. Living with the same person for 3 years and then not will be the hardest part. It's the warm bed, the sneaking in on showers, the mutual clutter that will be missed the most.

I hope to start my internship in ny in January so I have a lot to look forward to but today, in this moment, it's the here and now that are making me so sad.

Im icing my eyes in preparation for work. Who the fuck wants to go to work after they just watched their love of 4 years drive away?

I know I know. I have to stay strong and I will. It may not seem as huge to anyone as it does to us. It is good. Sooo incredibly good but that distance is there and that closeness and physical aspect to a relationship are gone already.

Goodbye life as I know it.
Hello to a new life that I never got to know.

If love is real then it will find it's way back.

of the last 9 days, I have gone 7 times.

Ripped!

Ahhh school. too many projects and too little time.

I am extremely worn out today.
mgmt/chairlift should not have stayed in burlington for that many days.
too much dancing, drinking, and staying up late. The dance/music making party i had was successful though and the only thing that was missing the next day was some nag champa.

I am at a weird place in my life.

After spending sometime in Brooklyn, I came back here feeling completely confused about every little piece of my life.

it 1 degree out and I just spent the last 1 1/2 in a 104 degree room.

that must be healthy.

i gots my hurr cut short.

it seems as though my life is missing certain necessities. i get jealous of other people's lives from time to time but i have almost everything i want and need. is it that i simply want things i cannot have? are my expectations set far too high? are the things i desire just completely unrealistic? I tend to think not, especially because i notice the things i want around me all the time...just not in my life.

i am working hard though, giving my all.

today is over and only had 8 hours of class today instead of 12. i hate to say that i am happy my 3D teacher's car ran off the road, but i am. i was able to come home and enjoy a nap.

an update on school-
Wheel Throwing- best 9 am class ever. my teacher smokes cigarettes throughout.
Color Photography- extremely challenging and time consuming but I have already learned an incredible amount
3D Design- the woodshop isn't really that scary and my chair is coming along quite nice
Art History of Photography- so interesting, a lot of reading, test on tuesday.
Advanced Pattern Making/Drapery- love it. consists of theatre kids who love to sing musicals.
+ Yoga + testing out of walking for fitness
= 17 credits this semester + full time american apparel.
Kind of strange being someone's boss at work and then having classes with them but it is nice to see a familiar face.

I want to do something extremely fun and I can't wait to go back to brooklyn in a month. I need to plan more trips to escape.

I can't wait for April when I can ride my bike everyday.

Current Music: mgmt

yesterday marks the beginning of a year without any free-time.

16 credits this semester, all of which are 2-3 hours long + bikram yoga + full time work.

It is going to be great, but very intense and time consuming.

-Wheel throwing
-Color photo
-3D Design
-Advanced Costume; pattern-making & drapery
-History of Optical Media
-Bikram Yoga

Spring break in Portland, OR will be a nice break from this.

that I got this



with an engraving on it's underside saying "To Three Years of Making Music, ILY, JOEL"

I coordinated the very first VIVA-Radio.com dancy party in Burlington. I have spent the majority of my nights in a skeezy bar having meetings with owners and managers and today I got the confirmation. This is a pretty big deal for us. Viva Radio is playing in each American Apparel across the world. They will have a banner up on the site and in addition TickTick is going to silk screen posters for the event. It's a good excuse to have some friends from nyc come into town and also get wasted for free!

and on a pessimistic note, people who throw up the peace sign kind of piss me off. I have tried to look at it from every angle and still, after having this exact conversation over a year ago, I feel the same way. It has...or it had meaning at one point, but now, not so much.

and lastly!!! DO NOT BUY SCOTT TOILET PAPER! IT IS MADE FROM OLD-GROWTH TREES. ACTUALLY, DO NOT SUPPORT KIMBERLY CLARK PRODUCTS. It is shit and the majority of the old-growth trees left are in Canada and those are the ones being bulldozed for you to wipe your ass, and let's be honest, that crap feels just as bad when using as it is for the environment. Poor animals.

Joel and I are going to Brooklyn again tomorrow. This time we are going to participate in BIKE KILL!!! Watch this and learn more. I already got some gold sparkly leggings from work to wear. It is going to be insane.